So you're trying to work out if you are going to invite that couple you used to be friends with to your wedding.
You went to theirs a few years ago, so it's only decent that you invite them to yours, right?
Well, not necessarily..
Drafting, culling, discussing, negotiating and generally agonising over who to invite to your big day is without a doubt one of the top 3 most stressful parts of the wedding planning process.
Whether it's your parents wanting to add their friends who you haven't seen since you were 5, or your bridesmaid who insists that her new boyfriend of 2 weeks is 'the one', there’ll always be someone who’ll push you to have their say on who you should (and shouldn't) be adding to your wedding guest list.
But, as with almost all things in modern weddings, unless your parents (or a fairy Godmother) are paying for your entire wedding, the final decision rests with you and your fiancé.
Fairly early on in their wedding planning, many couples stumble across what I like to call ‘the community onion’ phenomenon.
Most families consist of a close, or immediate, family, (the central, core layer) then grandparents, and then extended family (aunties, uncles and cousins).
But further to that, there are your friends - some of which you would see anywhere from every day to those who you might only catch up with once or twice a year (or even less).
Issues can crop up when you consider inviting only one or two people from a particular group (or layer, of your community onion) - like some of your workmates, for example. Once you invite one, you know that some of the others might feel hurt or upset about being left out.
The relationships we have between different social groups, how often we interact with them and how close we feel to them are all factors to consider when confirming your wedding guest list.
The compounded dilemma of allowing your guests a +1 is another fork in the road. For those family and friends who aren't in long term relationships, will you allow them to bring a date to your wedding?
If you're having trouble deciding, this episode of the Unbridely Modern Wedding Podcast goes deeper into the invitation of +1s too: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/04-why-1s-are-not-a-thing-anymore-and-what-to-do-instead/id1631943614?i=1000579944436
One of the most clean-cut ways to minimise the potential for hurt feelings and misunderstandings is to draw a definitive line between the social circles of your friends and family (or community onion).
This might mean that you’re only inviting immediate family and your best friends. Since COVID times, this has become more widely accepted and can be more easily explained to other family and friends.
Or it might mean that your all extended family and workmates are all invited to your engagement party, but that you’ll choose to elope when you get married.
We hope that the Unbridely wedding guest list tester will help you to separate the guests you truly want to share your big day with and those who you would prefer to have a BBQ with later on.
Best of luck!
We'd love to hear about other ways to trim your guest list. Let us know in the comments if you have any special tricks or tips!
