When we lose someone close to us, be it immediate family, a distant relative or a good friend, it can be a devastating blow.
And when the next important event comes up, like a milestone birthday celebration, the impending arrival of a new baby, or your wedding day, the commemoration and festivities can sometimes feel like they only highlight just how much your departed loved one is deeply missed.
On your wedding day, honouring those who’ve passed away is a beautiful and practical way to pay tribute to the memory of their influence on your life and to symbolise your deepest personal values.
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Honouring Deceased Loved Ones at Your Wedding
There are many thoughtful and unique wedding memorial ideas you can use to remember and honour the people who are no longer with you on your big day.
But the appropriateness of each of them for your specific circumstance depends on:
the relationship of the deceased person to you and/or your fiancé,
the timing of your wedding (if it’s quite close to when your family member/friend passed away, a reminder might be more difficult/sensitive), and
other peoples’ preferences (it’s quite common for the spouse of the deceased to ask that they are not mentioned by name or, in a cultural context, that photos of the deceased are not displayed).
Our best advice when you’re starting to consider a wedding memorial is to have a calm chat with those that it directly involves well before a decision needs to be made.
This will help to avoid unexpected surprises or people feeling uncomfortable or unreasonably upset on your wedding day and you will know that you are respecting and taking into account your family and friends feelings too.
Most remembrance ideas and expressions can be grouped into either a verbal, or a symbolic recognition, or both.
Symbolism and Tributes
On the wedding day, give those that have passed away a discreet tribute that serves as a token of their love and importance to you.
Include their favourite flower in your bouquet or boutonniere/buttonhole.
2. Attach a photo locket to your bouquet or boutonniere/buttonhole. A small photo placed with a safety pin on the inside of your suit jacket is a simple alternative, so they can be close to your heart.
3. Organise for framed photographs to be arranged next to a floral display or create a memorial table next to the arbour or at the altar.
I particularly loved it when a couple had wine barrels to denote the altar space, all dressed up with one large floral arrangement in a vase each. At the base of the vases were framed photographs of their family who were no longer with them. They used vintage sterling silver frames and the photos were of their relatives on their wedding day – a presumably happy memory and one that prompted a lot of wistful chatter afterwards at predinner drinks when guests were remarking how similar the groom looked to his grandfather on his wedding day.
4. Wear or carry a piece of jewellery that once belonged to them. Necklaces, rings, bracelets, earrings, cufflinks, and watches are all beautiful and sentimental tributes that add a special personal touch and can also be your ‘something borrowed’.
5. Wear or carry a clothing item, like their wedding dress (or a part of it used to make your gown or even a piece sewn into the lining), their tie, hat, pocket watch, handkerchief, walking cane etc.
One of my couples had their witnesses names drawn out of the groom’s grandfather’s favourite hat, complete with his budgies’ feathers tucked into the ribbon – the moment was priceless.
During Your Wedding Ceremony
At the heart of your wedding day, your wedding ceremony holds so much importance and significance for you and your family and friends.
And you know that saying your vows and exchanging your rings would definitely be more memorable with your loved ones at your side, even if only in spirit.
6. Add photos of loved ones who can’t be there to your ceremony aisle.
7. Reserve a seat for them at the front of the ceremony with a photo, flower, candle or a special possession of theirs.
8. Light a memorial candle during the service in memory of all those who are there in spirit.
9. Ask your celebrant, priest or officiant to take a moment to share what they mean to you and how much they’re missed.
10. Include a picture of them on your register table so they can be part of your certificate signing photos.
11. Pick their favourite love song to be played during the processional (arriving up the aisle), signing of the certificates, or even during the recessional (walking as a newly married couple back down the aisle).
At Your Wedding Reception
As weddings are a celebration of love and life, it is possible to cherish your departed loved ones with a joyful heart to match the festive mood of the reception.
12. Create a photo display celebrating those who have passed. Featuring old wedding photos are a lovely touch.
13. Acknowledge them during the reception speeches.
14. Toast with their favourite wine or include their favourite after five drink in the bar menu.
15. Incorporate a favourite food or activity of theirs into your day.
16. Dance to their favourite song.
17. Include your favourite photos with them during previous holidays or trips, if you are to create an audio-video presentation for the reception or cocktails proper.
18. If they have a signature recipe for special snacks and sweets such as cookies or brownies, you can whip up batches and give them out as wedding favours or as an added dessert treat after dinner.
Using Signs & Readings During Your Wedding
To add a more personal touch to your wedding signs or the ceremony readings or reception speeches dedicated to your loved ones who have passed, here are a few sayings that could be incorporated:
19. “We think about you always, we talk about you still. You have never been forgotten, and you never will. We hold you close within our hearts and there you will remain. To walk and guide us through our lives, until we meet again.”
20. “Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us every day. Unseen, unheard, but always near. Still loved, still missed, and very dear.”
21. “On this special day, our thoughts are with the loved ones who could not be with us. We feel your presence in our hearts.”
22. “Forever in our thoughts, you have never gone away. We wish you could be here to share our special day.”
23. “Your presence is in our hearts as we say ‘I do’. We proudly say our vows in loving memory of you.”
Through these small, yet meaningful, expressions to honour your loved ones, you can share your special day with your family and friends who are present, without forgetting those who’ve already gone before.
How are you remembering family and friends who’ve passed away at your wedding?
Let us know in the comments!
