Adapted from Ep#1 of the Unbridely Modern Wedding Planning Podcast
The truth is, I don’t know everything about weddings.
Shocking, I know.
And there is no single person that knows everything there is to know about relationships, marriages, weddings, the whole kit and caboodle. But I have been around hundreds of weddings in my time and I’ve heard many a story of things that couples would have done differently if they had their day again.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
So, I’m jumping straight into it with 3 little-known secrets to your best wedding celebration!
Secret 1: Weddings are a team sport.
You can’t have a wedding with just one person; fact.
Well, actually that’s not true. I’ve heard of people marrying trees and cars which is very interesting but not what I’m talking about here.
No.
I’m talking about a marriage between two human beings. So, it’s at least a two-person event. Other than bringing two people together, the other reason behind a wedding is to bring together family and friends, the community of the couple to mark the occasion, to show respect and to celebrate.
Now, you don’t have the time, the money or the energy to learn everything about coordinating a wedding from scratch. And this is where your vendor team comes in.
Trust in people with experience, a good reputation and who have time for you. This is a must with your vendors - I can’t stress this enough. Your wedding vendors must listen to your needs and your values and take them into consideration.
There are a whole raft of compromises, between you and your fiancé, your families, your bank account and your vendors, that need to take place to get a wedding off the ground.
Generally, it’s all more fun, problems are solved quicker and easier and a better result it achieved if you treat it as a group activity from the very start.
Secret 2: People don’t care nearly as much as you do.
Ouch, I know it’s harsh. Consider it a bit of tough love if you will; but it’s true.
The fact of the matter is, your wedding is just not as important to anyone else as it is to you.
Everything you see and experience, all of the planning you’re doing, pouring your heart and soul into this magical day to celebrate your relationship is important and super valuable to you. After all, these are memories you will carry with you for the rest of your life.
Your family and friends love you so much, and they are absolutely thrilled and so so happy for you but your wedding is simply not the number one priority for them.
Sometimes that manifests itself in different ways, especially in the lead-up to your wedding day.
I’ve often heard about couples experiencing hurt feelings with phrases like:
‘they should’ve known’,
‘they should have done this’,
‘they should have offered that’, etc.
These ‘shoulds’, these expectations, are slightly misplaced. Everyone views your wedding from their personal perspective and they aren’t as close to it as you are.
Okay, breathe, that was a lot. You’re gonna be great and this is all going to help.
When you understand that your wedding isn’t as important to other people it gives you empathy, and pause to be able to reflect and go; “actually that reaction that I just got from my cousin about her shoes. It's not about me. It's not about the fact she doesn't love me or doesn't care. She's got a lot on her plate. That's fine. I'll put it in a text. I'll send it to her in a different way.”
It's when these tiny little, everyday interactions become a big deal and get outta control that things really start to fall apart. Let’s keep perspective here.
And Secret 3: Focus on the big picture.
This has several different meanings.
How people feel, your fiancé, your guests, really comes down to (in the lead-up and on the day) super tangible things.
Leading up to the day it’s about respect and clarity, especially around communication.
Make sure that people understand your motivation for doing things on the day. I’m talking about the things that really move you, for me - it’s food, it’s music. It’s feeling that I'm welcome and I’m being made to feel comfortable, whether that's in temperature, in seats, in knowing what's coming up next.
When you are wondering what's important in your wedding planning, Focus on the Feels First.
How you and your fiancé feel now and will feel on the day and also how your guests will feel.
Food is super important to most, and music is another way to enhance the mood, but this also means removing any source of drama or stress; this may be a person or just a wedding favour that your guests don't need.
So when your budget becomes an issue or overwhelm starts to creep in, you've really got to hang onto the facts; what you know to be true.
And that’s your fiancé wants to spend the rest of their life, loving and caring for you.
In summary
#1 Weddings are a team sport
Hire the best wedding vendor team you can, communicate clearly and often with them and trust them. Also, try to enlist some support and be sure to collaborate and delegate as well. Whether that be through friends or family, whatever it takes, so you're not doing this on your own.
#2 Your wedding is just not as important to everyone else
Don’t get me wrong, your wedding is super important, one of the biggest times of your life, but it's just not as important to everyone else. Just know where people are coming from.
#3 Focus on the big picture
So, that means when planning, focus on the things that'll really make a difference. But also, At the end of your wedding day, no matter what else happens, you're gonna be married.
Congrats and be sure to soak it all in!
